To be in Love..

The silken rays of the moon play over her svelte skin, creating a beautiful visage. Her hair sways tantalizingly as the last strands of her mane brush past the cold skin of my face. Oh, what immense beauty, what undeniable temptation! I sat watching her dance on the water, so subtle that not even a ripple arose and yet so complete were her movements that my entire being shook with her.

I believed in love always but never before have had I believed in the hypnotic powers of love, never had I thought that love will make me feel so independent and so complete within. With her I become myself, I say the most inane things and yet she tells me how musical I sound to her. Where was the poet within all these years, where were the profound thoughts, for everything with her speaks of realization, attainment. This is how perfect my love makes me feel.

And her, yes her, she defines happiness. Her smile speaks of a million odes to me, all with the most endearing end. I derive my destiny in making her happy, like a parent pampering his child of immense labour; so do I pamper my innocent face. Every time I see her, I feel the force of a thousand dreams urge me on; asking me to do all that I can possibly do to make her mine for ever. Not even in my worst nightmares will I ever desert her, not even for my dirty alter ego, not for you Mask.

“Dance on, my lovely innocent face” I said and she ushered me to come towards her, to hold her soft hand. Like a man possessed I held her hands and felt the magical waves of intoxication sweep through my veins as we danced. I remember the look in her eyes; they spoke to me of a far away world where she wanted me to take her; where I would be forever hers without the intrusion of my masks. In unspoken words I promised her that we would find the far away world, before it becomes too late for us, before the time runs out. My mind wandered to the imposing challenges that lie in front of me, if I am to fulfil my promise and as if on a clue, she touched my face, her fingers caressing my creased forehead, my dry lips. How magical was the moment when our eyes closed, as if to forever lock the unspoken promise deep within us and then our lips closed in, the gentle fragrance of her warm breath, the flickering touch of her lips against mine and then the moment when I submerged within her.

As I lie panting on my bed on this moonlit night my mind recollects in precise details the first kiss, the first embrace, the first surrender to the mutual desire and the igniting of the passions inside me. My heart tells me aloud, this perhaps, is just the beginning of my liberation, the initiation of my new life; where the masks are consigned to the never to be opened shelves of memory.

How wonderful it is, to be in love!

The Ignorant Face

The perfect delirium of nascent love

When the man meets the innocent face

The surge of love, hope and lust

Hah! The perfectly ignorant race!

 

The mistaken bonds to eternity

The false love, devoid of grace,

Must the man be so insolent?

That death, must he embrace!

I go where you go, I shall always be around visible or in hiding and so I was with you when you walked holding the hand of the innocent face. I heard the utterly romance laden conversation you had with her; I felt too, the warmth of your skins permeating.

Now if you think that I would be burning in the hellfire of jealousy, then I must tell you that you are wrong. Do you recollect the sudden uncalled for surge of lust as she came close to you? Do you recollect shunning the thoughts of hiding bitter truths from her as she asked you about the life that you have lived?

Indeed you do, you are aware that it was me, your friendly Mask urging on the lust and the lies with in you. Yesterday as you shared a beautiful picture of a life together with her, you were fighting a constant battle with in, a battle to curb your own Mask. You succeeded my friend, you did keep me unfulfilled yesterday, but do I have to remind you of the worthlessness of fighting such a battle? Must I tell you that the Mask does not accept defeat? My persistence at being around and active in your life will eventually see you breaking down. The temptations that I create, the ones we spoke about very early in our dialogues will eventually be too grand and seductive for you to resist.

That is indeed the way I scale my battles, by grinding your weak desire to be truthful and honest against the imposing castles of temptations that I create. Remember my friend, that I am the thousand headed monster you used to dread as a child, I fear not losing a head to your vain conquests, neither a few more for I am indestructible. I shall keep coming back, keep asking you questions, keep denouncing your false chivalry and break you down bit by bit till you give in completely, till the day you surrender your love for the innocent face to the lust of the Mask.

Oh my dear face, do not hate me for conspiring to take your love away from you. I am but after all your friend; I seek to help you find happiness and contentment too. I just know that you are ignorant; you know not what is good for you anymore. Love the innocent face as much as you wish to, but do remember, the Mask will eventually take over, the lust and greed will eventually conquer the deceptive notion of lifelong love. Remember all of this, for when the heart breaks; it is only the Mask that keeps you alive with hope. When the innocent face is gone as it must, it will be the Mask again; who shall find you yet another face to fall in love with.

The Perfect Day

I sat watching her today; as she spoke about her life. She told me in many beautiful words how she has waited to find me and now that she has; how her life’s journey nears its destination. Is it just me or does she actually create magic when she speaks? How does she know exactly which words will warm my heart and set my pulse racing?

“Tell me what you wish your love to do for you” I asked her.

“I wish love to make me feel beautiful even as I wake up every morning and to make me feel cherished as I close my eyes every night. I wish love will give me a reason to smile with fondness as I wait for every tomorrow to come”. How true are her words; how rich with purity and simplicity of thought and desire.

As we walked down the paved path surrounded by lush green trees swaying gently to the gentle winter breeze, my fingers reached out for hers; a moment of uncertainty and then the effervescent touch; the clasping of fingers. Our hands gently locked in; the warmth permeating from my skin to hers and back to mine; how simple and divine can love be; how pervasive.

I confess I did not have such a plan – not today and not in life. I know and my Mask does what I intended to do with her after I had serenaded her. I intended to make her fall in love with me, enamour her and then let the Mask feast on the innocent face. But yet, as I walk down this garden path with her today, nothing seems more perfect. The dilemma to choose the innocent face over the Mask seems redundant as the waves of love sweep over me.

“I have not had a more beautiful day in a long time”

“Neither have I” I said. “You remind me of the young man I once was, so full of inane romantic ideas about how I would spend a day with the woman I would truly love”. The idleness of the day adds such metaphoric beauty to our togetherness, the idle day adding up to a simple life of togetherness, when neither of us will have nowhere else to go and nothing more significant to do other then to be holding hands and smiling together.

How beautiful this day is, how replete with the perfection of life! On days like these I wish to tear the Mask off my face for good, for I have everything that I ever aspire for. Yet, as I aspire to do the unthinkable, I realize that the Mask hides the skeletons of my past beneath it and the moment I tear it off, I will become naked in front of the world and in front of the innocent face. From one dilemma to another, my life which a moment back seemed so perfect swivels back in to the realm of insecurities. How does a face, who once wore a Mask, ever reveal its true self to the world again? How does the truth prevail again?

The Trap

The stinging pain in my heart, the stabbing of a thousand daggers; when I saw you; the incomplete, imbecile man speak in your uncouth language to my innocent face!

If it was not for her unfounded desire to love the man and not a Mask, I would have had no further use of you. But she is as naïve as you were before you met me, she knows little of the unbound powers the Mask beholds; the treasure that only the Mask can offer to her. I wait impatiently for the day when she will be conclusively in love with me, when she will surrender her soul to the Mask and then she will become my own, another Mask herself.

My heart writhes in fires of jealous rage, I can not help it. I seethe with anger when I see her willingly being serenaded by you. Does she not know what your smile hides? Does she not know that the love that she assumes is in fact the naked lust that you conceal with in you? My Innocent face, she was born only to be mine, only to talk to me, only to be in my possession and yet she teases me with her wanton ways. If only she knew that with each advance that she allows you to make towards her; she strengthens my resolve to acquire her, with each submission my determination to one day hold her captive in the dungeons of my desire.

Yet as I see her lovely eyes, I get reminded of the forgotten path of righteousness. Little does she know that the trap of love is unrelenting. Many have treaded it before, only a few succeeded. The only hope of survival that she retains is to get either the man or the forlorn Mask to fall in love with her. I must help her survive, such divine beauty; she deserves to live long. She must be loved with unyielding passion for the innocent face must remain alive for generations to come. The generations of hideous Masks will bow in gratitude to me for having kept the innocent face alive and yet never allowing her to find fulfilment in love; such intoxicating thirst and emptiness must I create in her life.

Here I sit today waiting patiently for the fruition of my love, as she walks by you on this cold fogy morning. My mind reflects on the many charms that I have woven for you in the past as you have savoured the joys of love before. In my fantasies; I pamper her, treat her like a high priestess and an adorable princess; I do for her what only a mad man would do in all earnestness. Oh, how eager I am, how completely in the grip of desire! This time my dear face, this time I must create a grand image of love which surpasses all the previous charades that we together created.

Of such immense magnitude will be the romance in the life of the Mask; who dared to fall in love! 

The Rendezvous

It was with much reluctance that I agreed to let myself be used as a carrier for your unholy carnal desires to seduce the innocent face. Yet, as with every time my eyes set upon a face of such divine beauty, my heart skipped a beat as I saw her walk towards me this foggy morning. Her hair moved in tandem with the music of her steps, her smile so effervescent and her eyes that shone like the most sparkling star in the northern sky. Here indeed was an innocent face that could trigger the chain of consciousness even in the dormant heart and soul of my beloved Mask.

Much as I deplore you for designing to feign love for her, I understand your urge to possess her. She appears to be so distant, so unattainable and hence so desirable; I know precisely why my Mask craves for her; for the perfection of it all!

How ironical that she was walking out of the fog, the mysterious pall of mist and yet walking in to another blinding fog of treacherous love and deceit. How cruel, oh, how cruel of you to even conceive loving her. My compulsive mind searched for the first smile, the first words of acquaintance on which I will build the magnificent façade of love for you my dear Mask. The churning grip around my heart strangled me by the moment as she got closer, till she was right beside me and I could feel her fragrant self.

The moment of our first intimacy came and went like a pregnant breath, here this moment and yet gone. Thus I could breathe again, the circle of love had started, the first point from where the entire life of the innocent face would no more remain the same had been dotted and I felt the leap of joy in your love struck heart Mask for you now knew that you would transcend the barrier that most Masks exist within.

Yet with in my own deepness I reflect back upon the acts that I have committed, the sins my existence is over burdened with. Is this the beginning of my end? Is this where I cease to exist and only the Mask lives my life? I search for answers within even as I now look deep in to the abyss of deceit and debauchery. My mind wanders to the young man I once was who stood for timeless love and yet never found it. How I miss the cold foggy morning when I had first seen the innocent face that I had fallen in love with. How surreal and musical that morning was and how scripted is this morning; when I vow to help my Mask attain the love of this innocent face.

Such a deep abyss, such a slithery fall, my feet feel helpless as I begin to slide. I close my eyes, fearing the pain of the fall and yet as my eyes close; I see the innocent face, the one you fell in love with, the one with the effervescent smile and the bright eyes and I feel that I am no more falling. The innocent face is all I see. The circle of love, has indeed begun, the one that never ends!

The Face

The Night of Darkness

The innocent eyes shine like an emerald

In all my dreams and my solitary world

Yearn as I do in this ever elusive maze

For you my love, the one of innocent face!

You heard that? Did you hear the lonely call of my heart? Oh, how I yearn for a touch, for a gaze, for a kiss! How I love serenading her, seducing her with my words! Last night, I saw the glimmer in her eyes, as I took her on the ecstatic trip of my new creation; the new world that I created for us. The queen of my heart, my precious innocent face!

She wanted to surrender herself to my charms; but not just yet. The time is not upon us; the night is still lit with the blinding glory of the full moon. Yes my love, my innocent face; you shall be mine and I shall take you unto me on a night of darkness when all kindness sleeps and the hell rises!

The Mask

The Circle of Love

When I look at the innocent face, the hither to unrecognizable soul within me cringes for affection. The face talks to me like nothing else has done thus far, not even you. For years I have felt the need to serve your macabre desires and work like a lifeless Mask. But yet, I never felt content and then came along the innocent face with all its naiveties and charming beauty and I felt as if I have a purpose I wish to build my own life upon.

You tell me that I am born to a lie, but how long a punishment for being born to an illicit union? Have I not washed my sins with blood and have I not earned the right to feel loved? I wish to love and feel the glorious halo around me; I wish to love even if the life of my love is short lived. I wish to love for my own sake and not for the innocent face; for her destiny is already written and cast in stone. If she is destined to find pain through the unattainable love of a Mask then so must be done for the sake of natural justice.

Is this your insecurity that you are hiding under the Mask of humane concern for the innocent face? Since when did you start concerning yourself with the pain of others? I have silently observed you play the game of love for so long, for a lifetime now and I have learnt the dance from you. It’s my turn to take to the floor now and in the deft movements of words and deeds; I wish to create an opera of romance for myself.

Oh, the look in her eyes, the longing in her words; I see so apparently that she desires me and not you. You hold no interest for her with your unmistakably human failings. It is me she is looking for, with the intensely adventurous streak and the pull of the unknown. I denounce the definition of love as you pronounce it; love is nothing else but a series of moments when two individuals wish to stay together, pulled together by the common thread of lust, desire and the need to be oblivious of all else besides them. I wish not to join her in her own world, I wish not to even possess her; my wish is to create a new world even if it is a world of make believe where the innocent face blissfully feels loved by a Mask who has himself lived unloved for a timeless period.

I must ask you to resist being cruel for once. I ask you to let me take over the living moments of your life for such time my make believe world would last and sleep unmoved. If the Mask can not love forever then so be it, but the Mask can love. For every innocence that is lost to a Mask; a new one is born and such is the game of life which has continued unhindered forever. So do not fear for the world, nor for the innocence; for when I am done with love you shall still have plenty of life to live of your own – with or without the Mask.  

The Mask